Dear body, thank you. Thank you for all the shit I’ve put you through. All the times I hurt you. I hated you. I broke you. Thank you for pulling through. For holding my head high when it felt lower than low.
I abused you. Hated you. Wanted you to change. I made you sick and broken for my own selfish need. I didn’t think what I was doing when I starved you, hurt you, worked you to breaking point. My blinkers were on and you were my enemy. Starving myself day after day in the hope you’d change, not realising that you were already so weak and thin.
I pushed you so hard that you just couldn’t go on. Basic functions were Failing me but yet I still blamed you. Breathing was hard, digesting too. My hearts kinda of beating but painfully so. Still I push you and push you, not slowing down. Through injury and illness, you’ve been through it all.
Staring in the mirror was our battleground. I stared and I hated what I saw. You were the bad guy. What I didn’t see was how frail you really were. I didn’t hear your cries for help as I beat you and cut you as I made you lose everything. When you were literally skin and bones I still screamed and called you fat. Fat. That’s what you are…were…thought you were. In reality you were broken and scared. Afraid of what I would put you through next. I’m sorry body. I am.
I should love my body and that I now know but it doesn’t excuse all the bruises and pain I put you through. My body is mine and for that I am proud. All it’s wiggles and jiggles and all inbetween. You lift me up everyday, you‘be pulled me through every single thing I did to you.
Through sickness and in health is a vow that I’m making. Not To another but to myself. We’ve been through the sickness, so here’s to the health. I love my body- it’s scars and spots, it’s wobbly bits and all inbetween. I’m done hating my body, so here’s to loving me.