Confidence

Confidence is something people are expected to have in their day to day lives. Whether it be jumping out of plane, speaking in front of masses of people or simply introducing yourself to someone new, confidence can mean different things to different people.

For me confidence is something I’ve always struggled with. My anxiety has always taken over and left me sat in  state of limbo where I want to go out and do things but simply do not have the confidence to do so. Now this is certainly a struggle in my daily life and I am slowly learning to just go out there and do what I want. However I recently moved away to university and suddenly that all changed again. I was all of a sudden in a situation where I knew no one and had no clue how to go about making friends. My anxiety was getting the better of me and I felt that everyone had already started forming friendship groups that I just couldn’t fit in with. I quickly became some what close to a couple of my flat mates but even then I just felt I was tagging along with them and their friends.

Now one night during freshers week I tagged along to a flat party with my flat mates. honestly I was shitting myself about going to socialise with a big group of people that I didn’t know. When I drink my anxiety can go one of two ways; I either have a panic attack or I become very loud and confident. Out of fear of having a panic attack I didn’t really drink before or during this party. Now we sat and played beer pong and things just awkwardly chugged along. Before I knew it though my flat mates had disappeared and just left me in this flat. For me I sat and tried to talk to people that I was left with but I simply found it too uncomfortable. It wasn’t until one girl turned around and went come sit with us then offered me a drink that I began to relax. Eventually my flat mates returned and I began to relax further but in the end I stayed with the group from the flat all night whilst we were out and even went out with them the following night. You can’t underestimate how much bonding you’re capable off when you spend all night dancing your butt off to 80’s and 90’s classics!

Now on my course I’m still struggling to make friends but in a few weeks when we’re practicing therapy skills and massaging each other I’m sure that my confidence around everyone will just increase further. For now I’m quite happy if I can have one conversation with a new person each day. That for me is comfortable in a situation that is very out of my comfort zone. I know that confidence will come in time and I certainly am working on trying to be more confident. The few friends I have made say it’s crazy how I can go from quiet to crazy and loud but that’s just how I have always been. Also let’s not lie alcohol can definitely give the illusion of confidence!

So confidence is definitely something most of us can work on and I know that in turn increasing my confidence will help with more than just my social life. For now though I will just carry on walking with my head held high and pretend to be confident. Fake it “til you make it right?

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